The words we use have a direct impact on our relationships. There is so much going on when we communicate and while I would never diminish other key aspects of communication (nonverbal cues, listening, or context, to name a few) language is crucial. So much so, that it's worth digging into language now and then to reflect on how we use particular words and to note how their meanings and implications change over time.
The meaning of some words has been altered over the past few decades due to new knowledge we've acquired in the social sciences. Some words have the power to shift a conversation into a positive upward trajectory or negatively impact communication into a downward spiral. Even though we often use some words interchangeably in common conversation, they have widely different implications.
In my collaborative leadership workshops, we occasionally pause to reflect on certain words that come up when we're talking about relating to others. Here are a few you might want to ponder...
Like vs. love
We know we can like someone without loving them. We can also love someone without liking them. Case in point, when I find my son has been absentmindedly picking at the wicker furniture, I do not like him in that moment (and I probably respond in an unlikable way) but love is unconditional between me and my son. Furniture be damned.
Nice vs. kind
Nice is a social grace. Kind is a personal value. If I choose to be nice in a certain situation, I will keep my objectives to myself and go along with the status quo to keep the peace. But if I choose to be kind in a certain situation, I will find a polite way to voice my objections or concerns because I believe it would be detrimental to stay silent. Nice is pretending someone doesn't have spinach in their teeth, but kind is whispering to them privately about the spinach before they deliver a presentation.
Guilt vs. shame
Guilt refers to how we feel about our behaviour but shame refers to how we feel about ourselves. Brene Brown said it best, "Guilt means 'I did something bad.' Shame means 'I am bad.'"
React vs. respond
When we react, it's usually on instinct. It's quick. Not rehearsed. Not well thought out. Think knee-jerk reaction. But when we respond, we take a pause to reflect and choose how we want to engage. With just a minute or even a few seconds, we can choose a response that fits with the best version of ourselves. Often, this pause allows us to respond in a calmer manner. Reacting is when our emotions run amok, and responding is checking in with our emotions and deciding if we want to let them run the show.
Respect vs. dignity
Respect is earned, whereas dignity is something I believe all living things inherently deserve. In my worldview, everyone deserves dignity, but not everyone deserves respect. For me, all living things have an essence to them and therefore deserve to be treated with care. But if I'm going to respect someone, I need to know that they intend to treat others with respect.
What other words often get interchanged in conversation but mean very different things to you?
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